Marmaduke Sucks

They did this strip a few weeks ago, but it was Mrs. Marmaduke talking to her girlfriend, and it definitely wasn't about "homework."

Welcome to Marmaduke Sucks.

Unlike other blogs I've worked on, this probably requires no big opening post. We all know Marmaduke Sucks. It's always sucked. It's like a hundred years old, and it has never once been truly funny or insightful. If someone can find me a funny Marmaduke strip, I will close this blog down immediately and never bother you or the big fucking dog or Brad Anderson again.

That's how sure I am that Marmaduke has always sucked, and always will suck.

Of course, lots of comics suck. The Lockhorns? More like The Suckhorns. Wizard of Id? Terrible. Even Garfield sucks these days. Save for a few bright spots, the comics page in general is pretty much devoid of wit. What do you expect? Dennis the Menace is still running, and that dude died years ago. Ditto Peanuts. And Cathy? Man, fuck Cathy. She's married now, can you believe that?

But with Marmaduke, there's something special.

See, below the suckiness, if you probe a little deeper, a lot of plain strangeness lies. Bizarre sexual fetishes, family members who despise each other, and a big fucking dog that is either partially human, or a figment of this family's imagination.

This blog intends to examine these dynamics.

Commentary to begin tomorrow, since today's strip, while sucking!, doesn't really approach any sort of incredible how-could-he-write-this surrealism. But I'm sure Brad Anderson will more than compensate tomorrow, when Marmaduke fucks a cat.